An Epitome to the Perfect*

They all want to splurge their jizz onto your face. That is why they always stare at it. You are scrutinized by men who wish to fondle you and kiss your face with lust. You are whore of the past and the leader of tomorrow. Society has made you high and mighty and history has degraded ‘your kind.’ Your features are of a perfect doll, but your texture is not nearly as perfect. Every little pimple that shows up, every less often rough patch of skin, a misalignment or unmatch is looked upon as serious as a sin on a Sabbath morning. It's your fault; you're too perfect to have imperfections.
The delivery boy wants to rape your package. The man that brought you the package was staring at you too long. You are used to that already, you take it as normal. The sodomy that would be brought upon your head goes undone, life goes on. You are protected now, in the 21st century playground. Your ancestors from the old _______ roots have never imagined that some sick, perverse men will masturbate at night to your small, compact, perceptibly perfect features. The village incest is much purer and is overlooked. Your uncle is not to blame about your pretty face being a cock magnet, but then fast forward to the beauty deprived American; your face stands on top of the list to worship, just in secret, but at first opportunity he wants to stick you and disgrace everything you stand for. Your smart mannerisms and hard work are your faults. If the man caught staring at you has his way; you will be degraded to a level of a common whore.
Your choice of a fuck-man is of same descent, albeit of different national identity. You pull a great feat, because you know that he worships your looks, but he can’t take you down and stick you and disgrace you; history prohibits him from bringing sodomy upon your beautiful head and body. You also can’t help to notice other men of western origins, your slight or not so slight attraction to them is understandable. You want to be included in their way of life, you crave to move on to bigger things than your petty roots. And yet you have no idea what that western man will do to your morals and your highly kept image if he grasps the hold of you, even for a second. You will become a dog, kicked, humiliated, sodomized and broken.
Your clothes would look great if they were moist and sticky with semen. You wear pretty clothes and they make you even more attractive and yet everyone knows that you look better without them, less umpf – more skin. Your butt cheeks are small and your thighs are tiny. An ideal instrument to have a man’s way with you. Your anus must be as tight as pinhole and at the idea of you groaning at as it is being stretched makes men forget all thoughts and get lost in your pain and lust. Your light smoker’s throat is a bit harsh and yet it makes you a goddess of the audible. Your moans and groans are deep and lusty. Even a basic plea to ‘stop’ would be a turn on, even for the meek of sadists.
You are repressed and you don’t know it. This life of work and high experience is new and the twinkle in your eye roars for you to be a dirty whore. The need to be degraded is as necessary as air for bacterium.
The man that came by your desk yesterday bringing you the report, he wants to throw his semen onto the first page or better yet; squirt directly on your face and revel in ecstasy. You would take it all and accept the butt slap and tit grab and even a slap on the face that will leave a blister. But such as the environment you are in; it is not allowed, its prohibited. Your body is beyond invasion, your face is kept. The front of hard work and diligence is active. But you should know that we all know that the pig-tailed toy object is all you really are.
I scarcely want to worship you but instead I wish to play the role of the observer. It would be nice to unleash all the pent up, heavily repressed lust onto you. I think about your tight anus all the time. Sometimes I want to rip your pants off, slash your blouse open, bring you under me and stick you, slap and degrade your obelisk of purity into the filthy swine whore you really ought to be. I will not do that instead: I feel rewarded to watch you struggle to be good at what you do and at same time be haunted by these western men with their age old ideal. You are their ideal. A rite is to be reenacted in their head. Your nonchalant attitude about their desires, as if there is nothing more to their prolonged stares but just a flirtation that you will never consider serious but instead dismiss as mere ‘cute.’
The danger is still ahead. The corporate is not saving you from the mail room clerks for your benefit but instead; they are preparing you for a mass sacrifice with the chosen. Of course these things do not just happen but instead all events must align for the moment to be come. It is all built into the 21st century model; protect at all costs and then molest. Ironically they are protecting your cultural secretions intact. The zipper on your pants is an entrance to the forbidden dungeon of the corporate.


- John Bogusz [anonymous]

*A fiactitious account.

Crotch Times

I hate these new pimples on my dick. It is disgusting to think that I, a person who seldom has sex, could catch some crotch pimples. Not only did I have had a quick out burst of crabs, that issue is receding, but there are three pimples around my cock that are just worrisome. Not a good thing, considering I would prefer to think of my self as fairly clean. Compared to very socially sexually active members of my metropolis, who indulge in one night stays - I should be squeaky clean. I guess not. I did have sex with hookers in Amsterdam, but I guess I would rather should have had gotten laid at home with some club whore. Safer?
My phone sex addiction has reached a plateau; I now tape my phone sex conversations. Thus I try to listen to them before calling the sexy ladies back. It works, but not often. I have been masturbating a lot more than usual. Good porno mixed with phone sex gives me a lot of sexual activity. Just not the social kind. I also wake up in the middle of the night and jerk off to sexual fantasy of having sex with my co-workers; big breasted, nice butted and horny co-workers! Oh, yes fuck me you horny twat - just once. Thank you.
I am in the process of meeting a girl who could be an answer to my problems mentioned above. I hope this time everything works out and I don't have to scramble to press the 'eject' button - like I have done in my past relationship. Details of that relationship can be found in a post below.
I must be insane in having to pulled the plug with no contingency plan, but I am all or nothing type of guy anyway. Ladies take note. Lick my pimples you whores. Thats how I feel today.

- John Bogusz [anonymous]

Reload

I am more pissed-off than ever. Things have been going great. My predictions and worries were proven to be unfounded. Why? I graduated college and found a job. My speculations were solely on not finding 'the' job after college. There are many undesirable jobs awaiting undergrads after college, such as the ones where you have no set salary and work purely on commission basis. Largely in sales, these jobs offer no guarantee of steady income and most likely are not offered by type-A type companies and mind you, banks. Well I was hired by a type A-type private bank that offered me a stellar job that I am proud to gain experience in. Other fronts of progress involve my social life; though stable with my friends I was able to get myself a girlfriend. A month and a half after being hired I hooked up with a girl who was very presentable, pretty and had very desirable physical attributes. I am shallow, I conceded to that a long time ago. My girlfriend had a very pretty face, big boobs and a bubble butt worth playing with at any given time. Things took off fast for us and we were fucking and sucking within two weeks of our initial encounter. Just to disprove the feeling of me being such a stud; I have had known this girl for two years prior, but her long term boyfriend was in the way. Mind you; he cheated on her numerous times, used illicit substances and finally withdrew himself from her life by the way of joining the armed forces. After such a package, I was a real find or not as it proved in the mid-run.
The sex was sub-par. Though many things were allowed; oral sex, sex and hand jobs were fun. I found the girl to be not so kinky; no dirty talk and anal sex was taboo. Though the highlight of my sexual relationship with her culminated during insertion of my fingers in her butt, something that she never done before. To further disprove my stud-ness; she has confessed to me that she was very horny when I had hooked up with her. Thus this further proves the fact that I can't seduce a girl unless she is already willing to be going at it. The relationship side of things was the breaking point. After an initial period of 2 months, the girl started showing her real character; telling me to do things that would minimize me as a man and what not. I could not deal with such crap and had to minimize the impact of break up before it would get worse. Well by Thanksgiving we broke up and did not revisit each other in that same way again. I am sure if she can reconsider herself - things can work out, but unfortunately last time I seen her she was with her ex-boyfriend again. How much does that makes sense? I learned a thing or two from that. First; girls that tell you they were treated like shit by their ex-boyfriends - want to be treated like shit. Enfact; if you out-shit her ex-'s you will get a lot more candy. Which leads to point two; everything they say; turn it other way around.
No sex since last thanksgiving for me. And it is not fine. I am horny more than ever. I jerk off a lot and thats not fine. A new girlfriend would fix that, but I have had no luck in that department since that 3 month girlfriend from last year. There was a girl that became available that I really like and she is still available. I have made an attempt in March to start a relationship, but it has been a disaster ever since. Besides a couple of dates and phone conversations the girl seems to be emotionally distant from me and constantly disappears from the planet earth. No phone calls or text messages can reach her in these moments and after a two week interim she would text back apologizing for her disappearance. From what I see; it is a clear sign of emotional distance and just carelessness for me. I stopped trying. Though she has reappeared a week ago, I had not called her once since then and will not call her until I see some kind of signal of her true desire to have a normal relationship. My last girlfriend had told me she was broken and had things to repair from her past relationships, I guess her ex- is doing just that with her now. This girl I was pursuing now had broken off from a long term relationship as well, but suffers no symptoms of damage. I am currently apathetic to her. I am seeking a girlfriend.
I am not ugly anymore. - That I am proud of! Since January I have been developing my body and working out at least twice a week for a great result. My skinny athletic body is shaping to become a rounded and built body. People are noticing, but all that progress took a lot of effort. In sum; through blood, sweat and tears.
This was my summary of my ugly, horny and pissed-off aspects of my life. I am hoping that there will be more disturbing progress in my life that I can write about - and write I shall!

- John Bogusz [anonymous]

A Sex Army of One

I was never molested. Unlike most screw-balls out there, I was never touched or raped by my uncle. I never got abused, beaten or mistreated by my parents. I have a great family who loves me and yet somehow I have mommy fantasies where I would have a sexual relationship with my mother. Of course I do not envision my actual mother in the fantasies, but instead I fantacise about an attractive older woman with big breasts that would ride me like a little school boy. This is exactly why I sometimes fancy porn movies featured older women in their 40s and 50s. Porn movies featuring teachers, MILFs (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) and mature women wearing stockings and garter belts turn me on - a lot. What gets me off the most is phone sex with an older spanish lady who role plays with me as my 'mommy' and seduces me into having sex with her. I just got a chubbie just thinking about it.
I got my first boner at 4. Unlike the rest of you, my father did not jack me off. Instead I found porn on a bootleg VHS tape my father had. All of our tapes were bootleg, it was back in the Soviet Bloc where originals are non-existent - not even to this day. It turns out that after a regular hollywood movie there was german porn flick. At four years old, I was fascinated with the scene; sexy girls at some school academy get banged by their professors. It was the first time I witnessed human genitals being used in such a sexy way that I've got a hard on! I did not know about masturbation at the time, which is probably a good thing. I did invite a friend over, a male - mind you, and we both got hard ons. And to the perverted fags out there; NO, we did not pull our dicks out of our pants. For a while I had sexual fantasies, but I've soon forgot about the porn simply because my mom threw the tape out and was very pissed at my dad for having it in our house in the first place.
If you show me yours - I'll show you mine. Like many others; I've played with a girl in the bushes when I was about 7 or 8, but we never got 'to the business' because her parents kept callings her name if she stayed in the bushes for too long - I guess they were onto us. Nothing more sexually happened until I was 11.
Orgasm is a drug. If you have it once, you're hooked. Much like with crack or any other addictive substances - something happens in your brain that makes you need to have it on regular time intervals. One day I was a happy child adapting to life in America, next day I got to 'relieve' myself daily. In retrospect, sex sucks or atleast the type I've been having since I was 11. I have a couple of problems with human nature needing sexual pleasure. If I go one day without sex, I will want it the next day. If I do not orgasm when I need to, I will walk around with a boner in my pants and think about nothing but sex. The act of masturbation is welcomed at first, it eventually becomes stale - because the act needs to be repeated again and again. Another thing to consider; sexual activity today means less sexual activity later on in life. That means that from 11 to 21 to all the way up to the time I will start to get laid on regular intervals, and I am planning to - at some point, I would have wasted a lot of libido usability. One can argue that you cannot run out of sex, but like anything used in our bodies many times [heart, joints] - it has a receding effect. I take an educational guess and say that I would probably have been better off not masturbating or having any kind of sexual activity until I am 20 than having masturbated, daily, all these years. Why? Because when I turn older, chances are, my sexual prowess will be much more limited than if I would have not masturbated from 11 to 20. So what? No big deal. Enjoy now, worry later. Wrong. Being that I don't get laid now, when I finally do get laid - I will already be exhausted of my mojo. No mojo - no sex: you see the connection? I dont get laid now because I can't get laid now, I am too ugly and poor. I wont get laid later because I will not be able to get it UP. Thus, logically it would have made more sense not to jerk off all these years. Unfortunately, masturbation is habitual and like I said; if I don't do it I'll be thinking of nothing but sex - and that is distracting. Sitting in class humping the desk, fidgeting in my seat, staring at co-eds tits and ass and wondering how tight she is and fantacising how her lips will feel on your dick. In other words: it would be distracting. But once I have jerked off and relieved myself, I can focus on school material. Of course, I am making one giant assumption - I will be getting laid later. Which is likely, but doubtful. Come to think of it, now that I am 21 I will only get uglier with age. My hairline will start to recede, my teeth will rot to noghing I will have wrinkles and my body will still be pale with a lot more birthmarks. Not a pretty sight indeed, but assumming I will make money in the future - at least I will be able to afford prostitutes. A soothing thought, indeed.
Stretching my foreskin was not easy. Only by coincidence I've been spending a lot of time taking baths right before my masturbation career started. Perhaps it wasn't a pure coincidence, but this is exactly what led me to the dutiful act of masturbation. I would have half to full hour daily bathing sessions, during which I would play with toys and have fun. I have soon started to get boners, for the nature was calling me. At first I would rub my penis against the tub floor but quickly realized that by taking my point and middle fingers and my thumb I could hold my little 11 year old penis and stroke it up and down. Coming from the Soviet Bloc, I am not circumsized and thus had to stretch my foreskin, which was painful. For a while I would only cum white liquid, but with time I was oozing white sperm and grabbing my dick with three then all four fingers. I would sneak printed-out nudie pictures with me to help the pleasuring. Eventually I've used my precious alone time with a computer to jerk off on the internet. Naturally, masturbation became a past-time for me - much like baseball is for America.
Bananas, plastic bags and latex gloves. I experimented, a lot. Any masturbator would know that the good old Rosy Palmers gets old and that called for innovation, at least with me - others might prefer a better choice of not jerking off; you are my heroes. I would rub my cock on all kinds of things at my house, which is disgusting but non-the-less a necessity to get off. By the age of 17 - I've ordered my first toys from the internet. As a teenager living at home, part time job gives a lot of opportunity to buy shit you would never buy otherwise. That includes sex toys. A $100 rubber pussy and a vibrating cock ring were ordered. The pussy with an extra anus was good and being expensive, was made out of special soft material. It had to be powdered when not in use. I like it because not only did I get a choice of pussy or ass, a choice rarely given to a man by his lover [that is unless his lover is another man] I like freedom of choice. The pussy was messy and I threw it out in trash 6 months later, that is after I pumped it with lubricant and semen for the last time. It must have been a nasty scene if anyone to have stumbled across the bloody thing. The cock ring is still around and works wonders. About the time I've ordered the toys, I've also found some pleasure of fingering my butthole.
A great way to relaxation is some prostate stimulation. And that is the holy truth. Now, I am not a fag. But of course there will be 20 for every one closet fags who will point finger and call me a fag in hopes that I admit it and they can have sex with me. Sorry, no fudge packing for you fucko. I went out to a sex shop, got a nice dildo and stuck it up my butt. My ass is hairy and it takes a great deal of effort to sort the ass hair out, while keeping the hole lubricated. Enfact it takes a couple of minutes to insert the dildo up my ass. But once its in - its magic. The dildo excited my prostate gland and my dick just gets rock hard. After 5 minutes of stimulation to my prostate gland, my dick starts to ooze clear liquid and I really want to pee. This is when I jerk off and then orgasm like never before. The amount of semer just about doubles and I feel like Peter North, just without a hot bitch to receive the payload. Sometimes I think thats Peter North's secret; he stimulates his prostate gland and then fucks a bitch and then glazes her up like a donut. America runs on my semen! Don't worry I do not work in DD. Prostate stimulation gets old even faster than masturbation for one simple reason. After having anything up your ass; you get reminded of it for the rest of your day everytime you sit down. Unlike jerking off, where you spray it and forget it.
These days are all but slow. I am 21 and still jerk off daily, unless I am doing something amazingly interesting or important that I forget to jerk off. I had ideas of not jerking off for a long enough time to go and make myself get laid. Of course I am too considering, thinking that whoever will fuck me will either be over 200 pounds or will charge me money. I would hire a hooker, but I don't want to get busted for that shit, I still got a clean record to maintain. Life is not all about sex and you should not worry too much about it. Fuck you. Thats not true. The older I get the more of a loser I become. Right now I am in the 21 year old horny loser category, but as older I become the bigger the pool of ugly losers I get associated with. There are 26 year old horny losers and that is all but sad. Being 26 and never have had a permanent girlfriend who would blow and fuck your brains out is purely wrong. Because what will happen is that when you do find a girlfriend, she will know that you are some unexperienced prick and will probably lose her interest in you or the relationship will come to an end, fast. I will not argue, there are chics that are understandable, but god they must be hideous.
Right now, I would fuck an ugly bitch, I dont give a fuck. But don't expect me to pick her up for a relationship. Being a virgin and a horny loser and all, but I respect myself to be seen with some ugly broad with a good personality. My girl will be at least presentable or there will be no girl at all. Hence, my situation right now. No sex. No girl. Just Rosy Palmers. And I can't stand Rosy anymore. We have just celebrated out 10th anniversary together and I feel like I need a change. All of my friends have girlfriends, except one. And he is a player, he has 10 girlfriends. I am a horny freak and always will be, at least for any foreseen future. At least I got Rosy - my right - Palmers.

Ciao lovers! - John Bogusz [anonymous]

I am a horny goat

I have a lot of pornography. I like to jerk-off to pornography. I've been doing it to porn since I was 14. One would even consider me a collector of pornography. I do not buy traditional pornography; DVDs and magazines. Being young and thus tech-savvy, to some extent, I download all of my pornography. I own a 500Gigabyte external hard drive out of which 350Gigabytes belong to porn. You're probably concerned by this amount of pornography. And you should be; after all - it adds up to over 450 hours / 1000 files / 375,000 megabytes of pure pornography material. You probably question where have I got all this porn from? It is no secret porn is in abundance on the net, but you just have to know where to look. Buying DVDs is very expensive, as a high school and now college student I cannot afford paying $14-30 for a single flick. Being that I also live with my parents, keeping 150 porno DVDs from my prying mother's eyes is hard and I would bound to get caught. Storing 450 hours worth of porn on a hard drive, especially with computer illiterate parents, is very easy and convenient. Till this day I have never been caught watching porn with my pants around my ankles. Luck? Skill? Who knows. I just want to save the embarrassment at this point, I am old enough to have porn, but the hardcore porn I have would definetly freak the most tolerant of you out there. Not to mention my innocent mother.
Days upon days of porn. Where would one get so much porn? There are many places to get porn, but only few that are of high quality and effective. I used to get short clips from Kazaa illigally years ago, but they were short and of poor quality. Over the years there have been more and more websites offerring prime material for a great price. I give thumbs up to AssTraffic.com and GiveMePink.com. These two sites really appeal to me because they offer hardcore pornography featuring european girls. Coming from the Soviet Bloc, I enjoy the european accents, moans and cute looks. Something American porn is really short on. US pornstars have the fake moans and orgasms. When watching a clip from Asstraffic or GiveMePink; you know there is little room for faking when a hot girl is getting DP-ed by two huge dicks and at the same time licks a dudes hairy cornhole. The porn offered on these sites is of the most kinkiest kind. These flicks feature hot girls getting slapped, spit and cursed at while getting double penetrated, ass to mouthed and gang banged then finished off with having their cute faces glazed with man gunk. If that is not enough, they will also put oil on their T&A, stuff their panties up their pussies, pee for the camera and squirt milk out of their assess just so you can have a better time watching this crazy shit unfold. No skat action - a minus, but perhaps for the better. The economics of the deals these sites are offering are quite marvelous; for only $30 a month the member gets access to all the kinkiest and original material. Ofcourse, I don't stick around for more than a month. I download all the videos and leave by months end. Thus from Asstraffic and Givemepink I received 116 hours and 32 hours respectively. That means I got 148 hours total for $60. That means I paid 40 cents per hour of prime porno. If you are impressed now, read on my friends.
Technology saves time and money. And that is the holy truth. The wonderful people at VideoBox.com gave me a deal; 24,000 DVDs for 10$ a month. These are legal DVDs that the site bought from major porn publishing companies. I am talking about full featured films that range from Sodomania #42 to Anal Fuck Truck to Sniff Her Panties. Prime material for cheap price. I downloaded 279 hours of porn for $10. You cannot beat the economics of that. Divide 10 by 279 and you'll understand that I have paid 4 cents an hour of porno. And not just cheap low quality porn, but high resolution prime material with all the proper porn stars. You think Al Gore ever imagined such economies of scale that his discovery would bring to us? I bet Bill Clinton doesn't mind.
450 hours of porn is 19 days of porn. Why would anyone want so much porn? I don't even like watching porn. If there are freaks out there who sit for hours watching porn and follow the cheezy story lines - I am not one of them. I browse around, jerk off, cum and turn the shit off - all within no more than 30 minutes. The reason I have 19 days of porn is because I can. When you have access to 24,000 DVDs - you're bound to download a lot of shit, especially with a fast connection. The people at VideoBox count on that being that the variety is so huge and new DVDs are being added daily, that I would stick around for a while, paying them $10 a month. Afterall the servers to host these large amounts of data don't come cheap. But I am too cheap for that. Considering I only jerk off once a day, that means I would pay $10 worth of service for 30 jerk-offs. Thats 33 cents a day per jerk-off. Why bother? I have paid 4 cents for an hour that I get to keep and can jerk-off many times - further fattening up the value and my chubby at the same time. Economics are in my favor to download and cancel the membership within the first month. And that is exactly what they teach you in business school, productivity and maximum margins baby.
Try slapping your girlfriend, squirting semen onto her face and spitting into her mouth while choke-holding her 'till she turns purple then blue. It would probably not work out for you, my friend, because she would most likely not be too cool with it. Yet these videos feature all of these acts and more. Being that I don't have the money to hire these pretty whores to fuck with nor do I have the looks to attract them otherwise - I am limited to jerking off at them in porn movies while they are getting their moneys worth. It is not a secret that if I drove a hot car and had tons of cash, I would get any of these sluts to fuck me in a snap of a finger. Maybe not, too ugly, I would probably would have to buy them some nice gift - to get their bodies. If I had a pretty face, steroid built body and a big dick - I could probably fuck these whores with out having to buy them expensive gifts. Do not get me wrong, 1 out of 100 hot girls is not a slut and would probably like the guy for his personality, but it just so happens - fuckin magically - that she is already taken and, concluding logically, picked the better looking guy out of a whole squadron of suitors. I would probably finish 2nd to last in that competition with a 3 legged down-syndrome freak in the last spot. Of course it is still possible to get a normal looking girl and fuck her, but I can't even get a normal girl either, being that I lack the looks and monetary expenses they all so require for proper dating. But even if I could get a girl, could you really slap her face and fuck her in the ass on a whim, without major protestation from her? Most likely not. That is exactly why I watch porn; so I can re-enact all my perverted fantasies, I see in these movies, in my head with my pants around my ankles and a dick in my hand. My educated guess would fall that a freaky bitch who would be up for humiliation and rough anal sex, would also want to shove a elephant dildo up my ass and probably weigh over 200 pounds. Dont get me wrong; big girls need love too - but no thank you, I pass.
My freaky sexcapades. I'll tell you all about it next time.

Ciao Freaks! -John Bogusz [anonymous]

I am horny, frustrated and in pain

This is not a way to live, trust me. I am 21, graduating college and possibly still a virgin. And yes, I am unemployed. I will probably end up being without a job right until my graduation, then pick up some shitty job later on. Why am I in doubt of my virginity? Having talked my best friends fat sister into having drunk sex with me and having tried to have sex with Amsterdam prostitutes, twice, with no satisfaction or proper ejaculation - I don't consider myself sexually active. I am 21 and never had a proper girlfriend. That means, I never had a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, and it does not look like that will change anytime soon.
Feeling more like a sick dog than a youth. My health, for past year, has been in decline. Having been sick with a cold four times in three months is not a good sign of health. Twitches in my hands and feet, constant urination, thirst, lightheadedness, dizziness, costant heartache and general weakness; these are the symptoms I've been having for about a month now. I must agree, that they are not too bad, but for a 21 year old, and supposedly, healthy boy - they are worrisome. Afterall, I am athletic 6'1, 155 pounds and from the Soviet block, thus I should be pretty healthy. My mother feeds me a great diet. I eat full breakfast and lunch everyday, albeit I skip dinner - I do eat a plate full of fruit and drink a glass full of fresh squeezed carrots or milk every night. I do not fancy any medications - I eat a caplet of fishoil everyday.
My life right now is in a very vegitative state. My daily routine is lame, but relaxed. Tomorrow, Monday, I wake up at 7am take a shower, eat my full breakfast and drive my mom to work. I come back home by 8:20am read Financial Times till 9am then head off to school. The trip on the train to the city is quick 25 minute ride and I sit in class from 10 to 12. From 12 to 6 I've got no classes, then from 6pm to 8 - I sit in class. I come home by 9pm and watch some TV, browse the net and go to sleep. During the day, I have minimal contact with people. I talk on the phone to my best friends fat sister, that I lost my virginity to years ago, and jerk-off. While I understand Mondays, for most people, do not involve social outings and great sex with blow jobs - my Mondays are like my Fridays, like my Saturdays, like my Sundays.
I am ugly, that is my problem. I have had terrible acne since I was 14.5. My skin is very sensitive and irritable and my acne has haunted me throughout high school. While now 6.5 years later the acne has subsided, I've developed Seborrheic Dermatitis in the last two years and it has been haunting my since. I first had flaking skin on my forehead and now its on my cheeks. I still get pimples and seborrhea makes my face look pink like a pig. As you can imagine, the skin is ugly part of my facial features and it doesn't help for the fact is that skin is the most important part of the human facial features. Otherwise I have blonde hair and blue eyes. I am tall with long legs and nice ass. Unfortunately very few girls saw my cute ass and its hard to attract people with your ass unless they already like you. It might be my nice guy personality and shyness that drove girls away as well.
I would not date me. When I look in the mirror, I see my skin and I am fine with it. But when I put myself in other peoples shoes; having to look at THAT, I would definetly not go out with an ugly ass like me. And here is my catch-22; I do not like to put myself onto girls, because I have these facial problems. I figure; I wouldn't date me, kiss me or fuck me - why would anyone else. And trust me, my personality is not that frickin amazing for someone to just forget my outer beauty and fall in love with my 'inner' qualities.
I am good in that department. The 'inner' department. I am not dumb nor slow. I am finishing a university with a bachelors degree in finance. I like to read and engage in mind-engaging activities. And I am a nice and honest person in general. I am not some business-asshole scum-bag out to fuck everyone over. I am just a kid, who chose business and finances as my starting path and do not share the general views of most top notch business men; which is exactly why I will probably never become a top notch businessman (not enough of an asshole.)
I am not sensitive. This is the consensus that I've been getting from my best friends fat sister, who I've lost my virginity to. She says, that I am not sensitive and some girls like that. Apparently, or as how she makes it look like; being sensitive is like having a giant chic magnet in your pocket and all you have to do is show up somewhere and chics will leap onto you, ready for the taking. Well, I guess I don't have that 'sensitive' side and thus no magnets for me. I see these sensitive dudes cheating on their girls and it makes me wonder. Truly its fuckin wrong. I should be the one getting laid by my girlfriend and this pussy-hopping dick be with some whores. Yet, the set up in life is that; this pussy-hopping dick is with some whores while he has a girlfriend waiting for him at home. And I am jerking off at home, Rosy Palmers style. Not sensitive my ass, I am ready to rape a bitch at this point.
Since I was 12, I've been jerking off. Every fuckin day, atleast once a day and up to four, I would jerkoff. I've been lucky to catch an occassional head or hand-job here and there, but nothing prolonged. More like, get a hand job and then fanasize about it for a year. Except from my trip to Amsterdam, I undertook last spring and the drunk fuck with my best friends fat sister three years ago - I've never had sex. Fucking a virgin while intoxicated is a mistake. Its a good thing, we both were intoxicated, otherwise that bitch would've squealed me out, but its her fault more than mine anyway [and trust me, I regret it as well] How the fuck did I get a hard dick, popped a condom on, fucked her, lost the condom half way. She seemed to have enjoyed it a little, although the 'it hurts' was definetly there. I never came, cause I was fucked, my dick fell limp and I gave up on the prospects of trying to fuckin cum. I got off the bed and my white shirt looked like a butchers apron. It was disgusting. It looked like I slit her throat open. Like I killed a dear. Me and my best friends fat sister don't speak of our 'engagement' though.
Amsterdam was a blast. I flew in from UK on a short 35 minute EasyJet flight. Netherlands had a lot to offer for me. Having booked a hostel called The Globe in the red light disctrict, I was in paradise. All the weed, heineken and pussy you can endulge. The weed in Amsterdam was cheap and of highest quality. It made London skunk feel like pesticide-growth hormone filled shit that it is. All kinds of weed was available. From white widow to purple haze to hydro; everything was on sale. Me and my buddies smoke so much, that I could not roll no more! And the best part is that, when oversmoke dags - you get sick. I never got sick in the 'dam. Heinkened on tap was the shit. In US, there is that aftertaste to Heine', but in Holland its absent and its only sweet and good. I went out that night for some pussy and the selection was good and willing to fuck; even an ugly, non-sensitive bloke like me. For 50 euro, I got sucked through a condom and some pussy action[through a condom]. The bitch I picked that night was this BIG assed Puerto Rican looking girl, she turns out to be some weird mix, but she had a nice ass. I din't enjoy the sex with her, because I din't know how to fuck. Turns out that after watching hours upon hours of hardcore porn, you do not learn how to make all those moves. Instead you become this piece of mean wanting to, but highly unable to fuck like a porn*. And the whore knows that I am not experienced, and I fuckin hate that. It was so fucking cold outsite, that by the time I got warm, I was getting dressed already. Her ass was a dissapointment because it was too cold. Fat asses are cold. She ended up jerking me off into the condom. Next day, I went to this Baby Spice looking whore during the day, you can probably catch her yourself. A nice dutch girl with ok english and big pierced tits. She was more friendlier than my PR whore from the night before. I seen the dutch girl the day before, she seems to work only days and there is less business then. But she is the hottest of all the day whores. Attention; during the day, all the nasty whores come out. NASTY and FAT. Except this cunt, and it was my last day to leave so I was ready for her. She gave me a suck through condom, jesus talk about condom breath, and then I poked at her. Again, I was too unexperienced to fuck this experienced broad. Het tits were top notch and she played with herself for me while I jerked off.
I am not photogenic. Ha, no kidding. But I am a photographer. I guess, its a cliche by now to be a photographer - it seems like everyone with a point&shoot is too. I really did take photography classes in college and have over 60 hours in darkroom, making prints and developing film. I shoot photos for fun. I enjoy doing that. It is my only true hobby that I don't get tired of doing. I don't exactly seek money fortunes in my photographs, but I do want to develop some kind of recognition as a photographer. I publish my photos and show them to people. But I still like the act of taking photographs more than doing post-processing and showing.
Why I din't have a girlfriend back then versus why I don't have a girlfriend now? & Why am I a pervert? I will answer these next time.

Ciao! -John Bogusz [anonymous]